Go inward instead.
We’re in week two of 2014. How are your resolutions holding up? Are you like the last warrior left standing in Assassin’s Creed — battered, bruised, but still defiant … and a little queasy because 50 weeks still remain in 2014? Will you keep your resolutions?
The hard truth is, unless you are the special 8% of the population who has an iron will and a support team that just won’t quit, you will ditch your resolutions by the end of the first quarter. There will be guilt. You will berate yourself with the promise of next year. Or the next. Or never.
You are not a slacker
The recent data on how few people actually manage to keep their resolutions - despite supportive articles, apps, and what-not — fascinated me. We can’t all be that undisciplined. What is missing in 92% of us? I thought about the word resolution and what it connotes, so I did a little sleuthing. Big surprise.
The word resolution comes from the Latin word resolvere. Definition: unfasten, loosen, release. So, hidden in the word resolution is the idea of letting go … of your resolutions. Weird, huh? All this time I thought resolution meant to stand firm. It means the opposite.
Maybe, just maybe, the problem with keeping our resolutions is not that we are slackers. Maybe, just maybe, the problem is what our subconscious mind does with the hidden meaning.
Now what? If we struggle to keep our resolutions because our subconscious mind tells us to let them go, how do we change? How do we get our subconscious mind to support us?
Six-pack abs and other nonsense
Here’s a radical idea. Ditch the resolutions. Flat out get rid of all of them. Often they are knee-jerk efforts to become the person we think we should be. Friends, family, co-workers, the media – all tell us who we should be, according to their perceptions and rules. We make resolutions to become that person, whether it resonates to our core or not. We get caught up in the promise of the goal – “lose three dress sizes and boys will like me,” or “build six-pack abs and I will get a girl”. This is not about criticizing being a healthy weight or having a toned body. This is about discovering who you are as a person and then operating from that place to create the body you want.
Lasting change happens when we discover who we really are
One of the beauties of being human is that in every moment, we can rediscover and recreate ourselves. We can change and we can make the change stick. We just need to know who we want to be, not who others have told us to be. Going into therapy is one way to discover yourself - I’m a big fan of the Existential-Humanistic perspective in therapy, but since this is a blog, not a couch, and I’m a storyteller not a therapist, I’m going to pass along a tip I learned.
Ask. Answer. Repeat.
Have a friend or family member you trust ask the following question, “Who are you?” Answer them with the first thing that comes to mind. No analyzing, no “is this the correct answer?” Just spill out the words. Then have the friend ask the same question again, “Who are you?” Answer again and again, without pausing. Ask. Answer. Repeat. For two minutes. I guarantee, you will discover some pretty amazing things about who you really are, about the qualities you want to embody by the end of 2014, and what will fire your soul in the months between. The best part of this question and answer session is, if you explore who YOU are and the qualities of the person YOU want to become (always, always with compassion towards yourself!), you also access your best way to achieve it. You are your own best authority. Yep, another radical idea.
I’d like to share a lovely reminder by Steve Jobs. It’s one of my favorites. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” So, go inward. Discover who you are, not who you are supposed to be. Go live the life you came to live.
**
Over the next few blogs, I will be exploring more ways to help you navigate through 2014 in a powerful way. Stay tuned.
We’re in week two of 2014. How are your resolutions holding up? Are you like the last warrior left standing in Assassin’s Creed — battered, bruised, but still defiant … and a little queasy because 50 weeks still remain in 2014? Will you keep your resolutions?
The hard truth is, unless you are the special 8% of the population who has an iron will and a support team that just won’t quit, you will ditch your resolutions by the end of the first quarter. There will be guilt. You will berate yourself with the promise of next year. Or the next. Or never.
You are not a slacker
The recent data on how few people actually manage to keep their resolutions - despite supportive articles, apps, and what-not — fascinated me. We can’t all be that undisciplined. What is missing in 92% of us? I thought about the word resolution and what it connotes, so I did a little sleuthing. Big surprise.
The word resolution comes from the Latin word resolvere. Definition: unfasten, loosen, release. So, hidden in the word resolution is the idea of letting go … of your resolutions. Weird, huh? All this time I thought resolution meant to stand firm. It means the opposite.
Maybe, just maybe, the problem with keeping our resolutions is not that we are slackers. Maybe, just maybe, the problem is what our subconscious mind does with the hidden meaning.
Now what? If we struggle to keep our resolutions because our subconscious mind tells us to let them go, how do we change? How do we get our subconscious mind to support us?
Six-pack abs and other nonsense
Here’s a radical idea. Ditch the resolutions. Flat out get rid of all of them. Often they are knee-jerk efforts to become the person we think we should be. Friends, family, co-workers, the media – all tell us who we should be, according to their perceptions and rules. We make resolutions to become that person, whether it resonates to our core or not. We get caught up in the promise of the goal – “lose three dress sizes and boys will like me,” or “build six-pack abs and I will get a girl”. This is not about criticizing being a healthy weight or having a toned body. This is about discovering who you are as a person and then operating from that place to create the body you want.
Lasting change happens when we discover who we really are
One of the beauties of being human is that in every moment, we can rediscover and recreate ourselves. We can change and we can make the change stick. We just need to know who we want to be, not who others have told us to be. Going into therapy is one way to discover yourself - I’m a big fan of the Existential-Humanistic perspective in therapy, but since this is a blog, not a couch, and I’m a storyteller not a therapist, I’m going to pass along a tip I learned.
Ask. Answer. Repeat.
Have a friend or family member you trust ask the following question, “Who are you?” Answer them with the first thing that comes to mind. No analyzing, no “is this the correct answer?” Just spill out the words. Then have the friend ask the same question again, “Who are you?” Answer again and again, without pausing. Ask. Answer. Repeat. For two minutes. I guarantee, you will discover some pretty amazing things about who you really are, about the qualities you want to embody by the end of 2014, and what will fire your soul in the months between. The best part of this question and answer session is, if you explore who YOU are and the qualities of the person YOU want to become (always, always with compassion towards yourself!), you also access your best way to achieve it. You are your own best authority. Yep, another radical idea.
I’d like to share a lovely reminder by Steve Jobs. It’s one of my favorites. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” So, go inward. Discover who you are, not who you are supposed to be. Go live the life you came to live.
**
Over the next few blogs, I will be exploring more ways to help you navigate through 2014 in a powerful way. Stay tuned.
